good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
