Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
