So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were trust falling into bushes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
