She is in my trunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
