all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
