Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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