whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
