Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
