Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
