quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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