There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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