it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
