I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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