she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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