apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
