omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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