the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
