2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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