remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
