wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
