Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
