just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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