And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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