Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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