is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
