Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
