so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
