So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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