you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
