I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
