Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
