Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
