If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
