Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
