so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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