Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
