i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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