saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the condom got lost in my hair
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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