HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
