8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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