Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
