My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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