and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
