I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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