Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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