Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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