i don't like sucking hair
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
