Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
