Define "chronic" masturbator.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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