so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
