I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
