I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
