im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
