Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
